Too young to miss the past??

I have recently found my way over to Pandora.com where you simply enter in your favorite band or song and it will generate a "station" that plays that artist and other similar ones. I typed in "blink 182" my absolutely favorite band in high school and when the music started to play I found my self in a place I thought I left behind. All these memories flooded back and I actually felt like I was back in the late 90s early 2000s there for a minute it was nice and sad at the same time. I mean it feels like I was just there not too very long ago and now I'm a big girl in the big ol' world. Where or where does time go? How can I be 23, married, in pharmacy school and working a full time job?? Seriously these are all the things that I always looked forward to but knew were a long ways away, now all of a sudden I'm here. Wow. All I can say is time flies. I remember when I first became aware of the passing of time. I was 9. Then I started getting a little scared at age 12. "I'm only 12 I thought, still a kid, I have plenty of time to soak in this life I call mine." Now I'm going to be 24 next week. Then I think about the things I'm looking forward to now, future children, graduating pharmacy school, buying our dream home and moving wherever life takes us. Before I know it I'll be reminiscing about these dreams and thoughts I'm having now. How does one make the best of the time we have with us right now?? I can't help but want time to pass when I'm working, but when I'm having fun can I slow it down? Sadly no. This is what happens when I should be in bed sleeping because I have to be at work at 6 am tomorrow morning. Life happens, life is NOW. Don't wish away your life no matter how mundane the present is at that particular moment. I wish I could go back to that Monday in 4th period English staring at the clock.............

Photography projects

My interest in photography has greatly expanded in these past few months. I LOVE taking photographs, I just feel so good when I'm looking through that lens capturing life's moments. I put a little ad on craigslist looking for someone to take bridal photos of, for free of course, and someone emailed me back. It looks like I'll be taking some bridal pictures as soon as the weather gets a little nicer and things get a little greener. I'm both excited and scared at the same time. I've always wanted to do this, but I'm so afraid of not getting any good shots. I don't think that will happen, but what if it does? I'm just going to have to put my fears aside, because I HAVE to be comfortable around people I don't know. I think after the first session, it will get a little easier and things will come more naturally. I'm also worried about getting the lighting right, that makes a HUGE difference. I'm a big fan of natural lighting and that's mostly what I used, but I wonder if I need something else? Well I'll be doing lots of research before the time comes. I can't wait!

I've realized something.....

I used to consider myself pro-choice when it came to abortion. I mean, I didn't think a woman should get one just because it was an accident and she didn't want to take care of a baby, but I did feel there were certain circumstances where it would be appropriate. Through some self-education I have changed my mind. I came across a website advocating against abortion and I read a lot of the information and viewed a lot of the videos they had up. Let me tell you I was shocked and appaled. Maybe I'm niave, but I've never seen what goes on during the abortion process and honestly never really thought about it. Well my eyes have been opened to the horrors associated with the horendous process. I don't want to go into detail, BUT it's horendous. Then I started to think to myself, why doesn't everyone who has an unwanted pregnancy just give their babies up for adoption? So many families want all types of children and for me, giving someone that kind of joy would give me unmeasureable happiness. Then I started to think about what I would have done if I'd gotten pregnant as a young teen and how I'd choose the family that I would have given my child to and I came to a realization. I'd choose a very different family then what my future children are going to be raised in. I guess not quite so different, but here it goes. I'd want my child to go to a Christian hetero couple that was unable for medical reasons to have children of their own, maybe they've tried everything and it just won't happen. Then I'd want the father to have some sort of good successful job and I'd want the mother to be a stay at home mom. As I thought about this it dawned on me that this is different than the way it's going to be when we have kids, I mean we ARE christians BUT I'm going to be a working mom (a pharmacist). Why then, if for some reason I had to give up a child would I want it to go to a family with a stay at home mom? And is it ok to feel that way? I mean I most certainly possitively 100% want to have kids (4 to be exact), but I want to have a career too. Is it possible to do both? I mean I know it is because women do it all the time, but seriously these are the types of things I think about at night when I can't sleep. Sometimes I feel like I wish I could quit school and start having babies right now and just let my husband make all the money.....BUT I'd create ALOT of dissapointment with my family who just can't wait until I'm Dr. Turner....and honestly I'm excited about it too, I love pharmacy and learning about drugs and the prospect of educating people on their drugs and doing everything else I'm going to be doing, but there's part of me that wishes I could just start my life after school...right now. I've been in school too long, maybe it's just like that saying everything's always greener on the other side of the fence. I know there's people who wish they could do what I'm doing, but sometimes I just wonder how it would be if things were different.....