Christmas Ups and Downs.

Our first Christmas spent as a couple was not EXACTLY what I thought it would be. We spent Christmas in Ormond Beach, FL which is like my all time favorite place in the world with the Conlans, Will's long time friends and my friends since I've known Will. They've always opened up their homes and hearts to us and this visit was no different, but I felt strangely sad on Christmas, I sadness I had not expected. After visiting Will's granny, I felt we needed to be with family for Christmas and I openly wept at not being able to see my parents. This is the first Christmas of my entire life that I've not spent Christmas with them and it was more than tough. The thought of eating Christmas dinner with the Conlan's parents whom I had never met was the last thing on my mind, so my wonderful husband said we didn't have to, and we stopped at Winne Dixie and picked up some meager ingredients for our own little Christmas dinner. It consisted of roasted turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, and cranberry sauce. It was perfect. The food might not have been what I had planned on, we were in someone else's house, but I was content to be with my husband and I loved that. We left the next day to visit Will's mom and dad. Will's mother showered me with Christmas gifts, all of which I loved. So far we've had a good time with them. We leave tomorrow to see Will's grandparents, then we're going to see our good friend Bill Hughes in Chattanooga, then finally we'll spend New year's eve and day with my parents and family in Clarksville. This is has been a Christmas trip I won't soon forget. When we finally arrive back home in Memphis, it'll be almost time for me to begin my second semester of pharmacy school, something I'm looking forward to with anxiousness and fear and happiness all at the same time.

Work and Vacation

For the last few days I've continued my training at St. Jude's and I'm loving it. I am pretty good at making IV bags and syringes, but those darn labels are getting to me. They always stick where they're not supposed to. I did have one accident. I was trying to break open an ampule and I got the first one perfectly, but the second one sliced into my thumb. I actually felt like I'd been broken in after that :) I got my grades and I did OK. I was disappointed about one of my grades because I screwed up on the final and it brought my grade down a whole letter. I guess that will teach me to procrastinate before finals. My GPA is 3.32 right now though so I guess that's OK. I should just really be concentrated on passing, but I can't get out of that "must get all As" mentality. I think my parents crushed it into my head so much growing up, I beat myself up when I don't get As. I'm pretty much over it now though. Tomorrow we're leaving really early and driving all day. We should get to Ormond Beach, FL by 5:00 pm. We'll be in FL until the 31st, then we're going to spend New Year's eve and day in Clarksville. I'm really excited. This is kind of a boring blog, but I'm sure I'll have great stories to tell when I get back.

I am a P1.5 :)

We call our first year of pharmacy school our P1 year and the second the P2 and so on. Well I'm a P1.5 because I took my last final exam today so I've officially finished my first semester of pharmacy school! I'm pretty relieved. I got really burnt out at the end though and I didn't study for 2 of my finals as much as I should have and my grades for those two classes suffered as a result. Of course I didn't fail the classes, but I feel I could have done better if I would have studied harder for the finals. I'm not being too hard on myself though because this is all new and I learned from the mistakes I made this semester so I won't make them next semester. Now I'm off to clean my house "from top to bottom" as my mom used to say because we have a guest coming over for dinner on Friday and I want the house to be spotless.

Our Christmas card

I'm trying to get in the habit of sending christmas cards every year. I've sent one every year that me and Will have been together, but this is our first one I sent that I could actually put "Will and Stephanie Turner" since we weren't married the other years. I'm a nerd I know. It was pulling teeth trying to get Will to take a pic though, but I think it turned out well. :)

An angel who lives in my heart

On my way home from class today, I started to think about an angel. I think about this angel quite often, I have been for the last 13 years. Her name is Sarah Marissa and she was my baby sister. I haven't written about this so I'll start from the beginning. When I was 9 years old, my parents and my sister Janice and I were living on Ft. Campbell, KY. My parents came to me one day and told me they were expecting a baby. I was beyond elated, you see ever since I can remember I wanted other siblings. Janice of course is my sister, but she was born with Down's Syndrome, and even though she filled our lives with love and continues to do so, it was not the same as having a "normal" sibling. I wanted someone to fight for the remote with or fight for the bathroom with, and Janice couldn't do those things. My parents told me they were 4 months along and they waited to tell me because they wanted to make sure nothing was wrong since Janice had Down's. I told everyone I could and dreamt about playing little mommy and helping my mom feed and take care of my future sibling. One day when I came home from school my parents sat me down on the cough and my dad proceeded to tell me that they went for an ultra sound and the doctors couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and that it had died. I didn't believe him at first, but he then started to cry and I knew it was real. My mom was 5 months along at this point and I never dreamed that this would happen. I was devastated, I cried and carried on and prayed to god for him to bring my sister back. I didn't view death as permanent at the age of 9 and I thought god could reverse it if he wanted. I fell into a depression and I probably should have went to counseling. I never got over it, I'm still not over it. I wanted that baby so bad and today I dream about the person she'd be. She be 13 years old today and probably in the 7th or 8th grade and dreaming about high school and boys. I wonder what kind of life we would have had together. I bet we'd be really close. But it wasn't meant to be. I try to think everything happens for a reason. When I was 18, my cousin Kelly came to live with us. She was 15. Me and her are very close, like sisters. If my sister would have been born, there would have been no room for Kelly and my parents wouldn't have been able to support her and she wouldn't have gotten away from the hell of a life she was being forced to live at the time. She is now in nursing school and lives in a house with her boyfriend who she's been with for years and they are doing really well. That's how I rationalize what happened to Sarah. She wasn't meant to be, but I believe she's an angel in heaven and she lives on in my heart.

Pot pies, made with love by the devil

For my first blog, I didn't really know where to start, so I decided to just start from today. A few days ago while me and my husband were at Kroger doing our weekly replenishing of the fridge and pantry, I was in the frozen section looking for some quick meals since my husband would be working 3-11 every night that week and I wouldn't be cooking. That's when my eye caught a little red box with a delicious looking pot pie on the front and I was instantly brought back to childhood when my father would put them in the oven for me and my sis and we would eat them like we were eating some sort of wonderful feast. Needless to say I picked up a few to eat over the next few days. When I made the first one that night, I was not disappointed. It tasted exactly as I remembered. I had 2 more over the next couple of days before I decided to look at the label to see what I was actually consuming. I nearly had a cardiac arrest when I saw the fat and calorie content. 450 calories for one of those little pies! The fat content was somewhere in the mid 30s or about half of what a normal person should consume in fat per day. I was pretty much devastated at this discovery because I think my metabolism has taken a vacation lately. Up until my late teens I could eat ANYTHING and not gain weight. In fact I was so skinny, my dad thought I was bulimic for awhile and I could wear kids size clothes until I was a teenager. Now at age 23, I gain weight if I look at a donut or any other delicious morsel of wonderfulness. So, sadly no more pot pies for me. The last one in the freezer will stay there until it either spontaneously combusts, or gets put in the endless pit which is my husband's stomach. I'm thinking the latter will happen first.