I need prayers and strength

Things haven't been going well for me and W lately. He's very short with me, ALL THE TIME, doesn't really show affection very much, NEVER offers emotional support if I'm sad or just had a bad day, he's NEVER happy it seems, and I don't think he wants to be married anymore. :( We're both under ALOT of stress lately because we're both in difficult educational programs, I'm in pharmacy and he's in nursing so time and money are scarce at times. I don't know what to do. He said his main two problems are 1.) that I'm a messy person (and I am) and I don't clean enough and 2.) I don't fufill his sexual needs. I admit that I'm messy, but it has a lot to do with me being so busy at school and I do work still also. And about fufilling his sexual needs, I admit I am lacking in that area, I just don't have the same needs he does at this point in my life with so much going on at school. The difference between us is that I'm STILL HAPPY, but he seems to be NEVER HAPPY. He also admitting to me the other day that he doesn't feel he'll EVER want to have children, which is something I MOST DEFINATELY want. I don't know what to do. I need prayers that we'll be ok, I don't want a divorce, but I can't go through my whole entire life with someone who is NEVER pleasant around me and never shows me affection and love and his always mad at me. Also these past few weeks I've been without a car so he's been driving me around and he's really unhappy about it. He hates it and it just makes me feel twice as bad. I don't know what to do.

One Job I'll never complain about.

Ok so I haven't written in quite some time. I haven't really felt up for it....until tonight. After the recent airing of stand up to cancer, I've been a little sad. I like to keep up with all the caringbridge pages for some of the patients at work, but maybe I shouldn't because when things don't go well, it's very heartbreaking. An 8 year old little girl from St. Jude just got some bad news about her progress. Her name is Mary Kate and you can visit her page here. This leads me to the title of my post. I prepare chemo at St. Jude for kids with cancer. It's a tough job. Sometimes I work for hours on end with no break. Sometimes a child will need a really large dose of a drug and I'll have to reconstitute a large number of vials to get a big enough dose, and my back starts to hurt and it gets hot in my mask and I sweat. Sometimes I stick myself with the needles I use to make the drugs. Sometimes I won't be able to find a child's order and I'll have to go searching for it even though I may have 20 chemo orders to make for the next day. Sometimes something just isn't right and I have to call the child's nurse to figure something out. I check the math on all the doses to make sure an error wasn't made and all this is very time consuming, BUT when I have bad days I always think to myself: This child and their family is trusting in ME that this chemo is made CORRECTLY. They are depending on me to take my time and make sure everything is done right, and that's what I do. To think for one moment that I may play a small part in saving a child's life makes any and everything I do at work worth it. I've been blessed with good health and I'm so very humble to God for giving it to me. I'm broke as a joke and without a car right now, but I'm healthy, and there are so many adults and kids who wish they could say the same. I'll never complain about my job.

What I did for my birthday

The day before my birthday I was surprised to find out that W had cleaned out my car. This is really a big deal because my car was gross, seriously! Then the day of my birthday I got a card and some ghirardelli chocolate. The card had money in it for a little shopping spree at the mall! Shopping is my favorite thing to do and W even came along for the ride even though he HATES the mall. I bought some new cute clothes and a Coach wristlet that was 50% off. Then that evening we went to eat at Shogun which is a Japanese steakhouse where they cook the food on the grill in front of you which is my favorite! I opted NOT to have them sing the birthday song for me partly because I think W would have been embarrassed haha. Then as a final treat that night we went and had ice cream at Baskin Robbins. Yum, needless to say I had a wonderful birthday. I am blessed. Unfortunately I work all weekend and Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday before we leave for Chattanooga on Thursday. Here's a pic of me in my birthday suit LOL.

Fun Saturday night....boo for Mondays

Saturday night was pretty much, I got all dressed up and did some dramatic eye makeup :) I met up with Emily, PJ, and Jenna and we went to a hole in the wall bar in Southaven, Mississippi and there was like 5 people there! LOL we only went because Jenna knew some people there, we didn't stay long. Then we went to Silky O' Sullivans where I had the privilege of trying a diver for the first time. A diver is a huge bucket of random drinks mixed together that a bunch of people all drink out of. Pretty gross huh? LOL it was actually really good though and since I knew the people who were drinking with me it was all good. We stayed there for a while, then me and Emily left because it was already almost 2 am and I told W I'd be home around that time, but PJ and Jenna went some other places that night. Today I've been lazing around and not doing much, I did get my makeup organized and have a freezer bag full of stuff I don't want anymore that I'm asking my cousin Kelly if she wants. I don't think anyone besides family would take my used makeup haha. Sadly, tomorrow is already Monday and my fun weekend is over :( Weekends are way too short. I'll be in the chemo room all this week and weekend, but I have Wednesday and Thursday off for my birthday. Yay!

Pay Day!!

Today was pay day yay!! We usually go out on payday, so after I got off at 2:30 we took Tessa to the vet for her yearly wellness exam and vaccinations (She did pretty well, only put her teeth on W once when she was having her temp taken, but I swear she didn't mean it LOL) we went to the Collierville outdoor mall (It'a a bad A$$ mall seriously) and ate dinner at Corraba's and it was very good, then I stopped at the bare escentuals boutique and bought myself a few goodies with my 20% off family and friends discount. Now we are back home and W is knocked out on the couch. He's been sleeping for about an hour and looks so cute, and every so often he makes cute little sounds in his sleep LOL, the cats are napping with him also. Well just wanted to share my fun day, tomorrow I'm excited because I'm going out with some new friends from work who are also in my pharmacy class, that's it for now!

Just for fun

What were you doing ten years ago?
It was the summer after my 8th grade year and I lived in Clarksville, TN. I was getting ready to turn 14 and enter the world of high school, I had yet to kiss a boy or have a real boyfriend, that didn't happen until 9th grade.

What are five (Non-work) things on my to-do list for today?
1. Get up by 5:00 am for work
2. Make it through my work day
3. Take Tessa to vet for yearly checkup
4. Go to bare escentuals boutique in Collierville
5. Go out to dinner and have "quality hubby time" at home afterwards

Five snacks I enjoy!
1. Ice cream
2. rice crispy treats
3. fried mushrooms
4. chocolate
5. frosted mini wheats cereal

Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Buy a nice home and cars for me and W
2. Donate LOTS of money to St. Jude
3. Buy new home for my parents and Janice
4. wardrobe, makeup, shoes, perfume, anything I want
5. Donate to siamese rescue

Places I have lived
Seoul, Korea
Wurtzberg, Germany
Hopkinsville, KY
Clarksville, TN
Memphis, TN

5 Jobs I have had
1. Cashier at Petsmart
2. Dog bather at petsmart
3. Bather/boarding tech at Muttz Kuttz
4. Student worker at APSU loan office
5. Pharmacy student intern at St. Jude

Who wears bare escentuals?

I LOVE this makeup, it's practically the only brand I wear except a few select items from Smashbox which I also love, anywho if you're ever curious or already like the makeup, mosey on over to the bare escentuals addicts forum.

This is a look I did with a new kit I got, isn't it pretty??