I've realized something.....

I used to consider myself pro-choice when it came to abortion. I mean, I didn't think a woman should get one just because it was an accident and she didn't want to take care of a baby, but I did feel there were certain circumstances where it would be appropriate. Through some self-education I have changed my mind. I came across a website advocating against abortion and I read a lot of the information and viewed a lot of the videos they had up. Let me tell you I was shocked and appaled. Maybe I'm niave, but I've never seen what goes on during the abortion process and honestly never really thought about it. Well my eyes have been opened to the horrors associated with the horendous process. I don't want to go into detail, BUT it's horendous. Then I started to think to myself, why doesn't everyone who has an unwanted pregnancy just give their babies up for adoption? So many families want all types of children and for me, giving someone that kind of joy would give me unmeasureable happiness. Then I started to think about what I would have done if I'd gotten pregnant as a young teen and how I'd choose the family that I would have given my child to and I came to a realization. I'd choose a very different family then what my future children are going to be raised in. I guess not quite so different, but here it goes. I'd want my child to go to a Christian hetero couple that was unable for medical reasons to have children of their own, maybe they've tried everything and it just won't happen. Then I'd want the father to have some sort of good successful job and I'd want the mother to be a stay at home mom. As I thought about this it dawned on me that this is different than the way it's going to be when we have kids, I mean we ARE christians BUT I'm going to be a working mom (a pharmacist). Why then, if for some reason I had to give up a child would I want it to go to a family with a stay at home mom? And is it ok to feel that way? I mean I most certainly possitively 100% want to have kids (4 to be exact), but I want to have a career too. Is it possible to do both? I mean I know it is because women do it all the time, but seriously these are the types of things I think about at night when I can't sleep. Sometimes I feel like I wish I could quit school and start having babies right now and just let my husband make all the money.....BUT I'd create ALOT of dissapointment with my family who just can't wait until I'm Dr. Turner....and honestly I'm excited about it too, I love pharmacy and learning about drugs and the prospect of educating people on their drugs and doing everything else I'm going to be doing, but there's part of me that wishes I could just start my life after school...right now. I've been in school too long, maybe it's just like that saying everything's always greener on the other side of the fence. I know there's people who wish they could do what I'm doing, but sometimes I just wonder how it would be if things were different.....